Then I Was Knocking
I decided on the sleek Mercedes taxi because I know he never liked the ordinary. I needed him to know that I still knew him, even in the details he hides from the world.
Three months apart had done its damage to us, but now that I was back, I was going to look him straight in the eye and say that I was going nowhere. That he is stuck with me. That no two month piece that he had would destroy us. Now that I was back, we would pick up from April. So I walked up to his door and knocked.
At first I thought he wasn’t home, then I remembered I had told him that I would be coming over. He couldn’t have left. I turn the knob and it is unlocked, so I push back the door and he is standing right there, behind it. Why didn’t you open when I knocked? I want to ask. But he looks so different. He looks as if he died and was just resurrecting on my arrival. This is not the man I left behind. Perhaps my leaving sucked the life out of him.
So I hug him. Because I fear he might collapse before my very eyes. I hold him close to me to affirm that I will not ever leave him alone. That I am back for good. In this moment I look around, and it seems as if he has been living on his own. I sigh. I doubted him for no reason. Surely this house lacks the all-time coveted female touch.
But then there is a voice in the other room, and I pray to my ancestors it is not what I think, my prayers turn out vain. She pops a messy head from my kitchen. “There’s no milk. Could you get some?” I can’t believe this! How dare he let me hold him in comfort when he still had the floosy in the house? I had told him I was to come so as to avoid something like this. But he did not respect me enough.
I turn to take my leave. I cannot stay in here. The air is too thick. I can’t breathe right. I need to leave to avoid a scene. I was never one for them. He says my name. So softly. So sweetly. The same way he said it before I left in April and my heart breaks.
Without turning to him I turn the knob the other way, open the door, close it behind me and put my back to it. My chest burns like hell. He said he would wait. He promised he would. I slide down his door and find the ground. I don’t remember when the tears started falling.